Okay, so it hasn't been exactly lost, but I seem to have been slacking off in the journaling department lately. Not because there hasn't been anything to write about! I just haven't been wanting to write.
Things have been a little rough around here in the world of autism lately. I feel like we are stuck in the never ending age of 3. (Drew is 5 1/2). I know that he gets frustrated when he can't tell us what he wants or when he can't find something he is so desperately looking for. There are times when I just want this roller coaster of emotions to stop. I want to crawl inside his brain and see what he sees, think what he thinks. I feel at a loss for what do to do for him. I feel helpless.
I realized the other day when he wasn't invited to a birthday that Drew doesn't have any friends. When I drop him off at school, there is absolutely no contact with the other kids. He spins around in circles and talks to himself. I want him to have friends! I know it will take time...I know that in my head, but my heart aches for all that he is missing.
I guess this is why I haven't been writing. I don't want to be vulnerable. People say to me that they don't know how I do it. To be honest, I don't know either. It's all the Lord!! Those people don't see me when I lose it in the van or at home.
so, there you go...it's been a hard month. I am not feeling very thankful much. I'm working on it and maybe I can post something a little more positive soon. Thanks for listening.
3 comments:
Keep your chin up Becky. I know you're an awesome mom and you can do it. It's hard when your kid gets older and the gap gets bigger between who he is and who you thought he was going to be ... and everyone else's kid around him is leaving him behind ...
I'm praying for you Becky.
I think, Dear Friend, you have just told us why you blog...and, as one of your faithful readers, I am so glad you do. I don't see you enough face to face to hear from your lips when you do lose it in the van or do have one of those rough days--weeks--months. No one who knows you even a smidgen will think you're a whiner if you vent or emote in this spot. And, I hope reading comments like Anna's and assurances that your friends pray for you will be the encouraging words and virtual hugs that God uses on those days when you need them most. I can't tell you how often your gratitude expressed has challenged me to look deeper in my own life to see where God is at work. Glad that you felt compelled to write something yesterday, Friend. When you are absent from this place, I'll just know I should pray harder. And when you're here, I'll weep when you weep and rejoice when you rejoice.
Thank you my friends! You are both such a blessing to me!
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